Exhaustion and Parenthood

It's as if I've been training for these nights for the last several years.  People have remarked about how I'm able to function at a high level and be "chipper" when only getting the barest amount of sleep... before we had kids.  Now that conditioning is becoming a extremely valuable skill to have.  Both kids had fevers last night at around 1:00 AM, so after administering tylenol, loosening clothes, changing diapers and administering some TLC for the two little patients, I went and got baba's of water for them... Even Indiana Jones didn't want water more when he stopped the mine cart in the Temple of Doom compared to my two little ones last night.  They demolished those babas in seconds.  We then tried to get them to go back to sleep, but now they were up so we spent another hour or so getting them relaxed again.  My boy was immediately in play mode and ready to tackle.  He was laying down and then sitting up, repeating this and then my wife said something about music and he pops up and starts wiggling his little butt doing his patented dance move.  Looking at the two of us laughing hysterically.  Meanwhile, she was still mostly sleepy but now with her nasty cough couldn't get comfortable.  We had to laugh tho, she is a little tank of a trooper, she had this one coughing fit that looked like it physically hurt her, and it was violent enough that it shot her pacifier out of her mouth like a bullet, before she's even finished coughing she's battling through the cough to say "uh oh!" because her pacifier took off.  It was priceless! So after 15 minutes of struggling with them while they tossed and turned in our bed, I took him into his room and sat in the rocker with him till he passed out.... along with his dad.  Had he not been squirming in his sleep, I would not have even woken up at 2:10am.  After putting him back into his bed sound asleep, fever coming down I stumbled back to our room.  There I found my wife and daughter sound asleep, her fever coming down as well. So we finally all got to sleep at 2:30am....... and then the 5:00AM alarm sounded for us to all get up and get ready!  Saturday can not come soon enough!

The stark realization... (epilogue)

Since this is of public record now, let me add to my beautiful children, one whom I just put to bed and needed just a few extra hugs from daddy to settle down for the night (that's you sweetheart) and the other who earlier patted me on the back like a reassuring old friend (at the age of 15 months mind you, yup I'm talkin about you buddy ;) )... guys, if you ever get the chance to read this... I love you and these nights when you think the best "toy" in the living room is the human jungle gym you call "dadadada" will always be some of the most cherished moments of your dad's life.  Good night guys, sweet dreams. :)

The stark realization...

 So I recently found these cool photos online which were taken by Kristina Alexanderson* (stuff I need to start finding more time to do myself being I'm a toy collector)....

and it got me thinking about my own kids and then it hit me and hit me hard.  It's something that you can't appreciate unless you have children... Your children literally worship the ground you walk on.  You are their ultimate hero, the sun in their solar system.  It's something I revel in, hearing how... happy? hmm, happy doesn't give the emotion the justice it deserves, it's something so much bigger than happy that they are when I come home from work makes me feel awesome!  When they grow up, they'll always love us, but they'll start making their own relationships, their own connections and find new heroes.  It'll never be like it is when they're little like my two monkeys are now (and for a little while longer...).  I suddenly have a new found appreciation and sadness for parents everywhere, most of all my own.  You don't see it when you're growing up, because, and rightfully so, you are growing up, you're becoming your own man or woman and you're exploring the world around you.  There's no time in the day to run to your parents with excitement, you've got to change so you can head to the movies with your friends.  You've got maybe enough time for a "hi." "bye".  I'm sure I'll feel incredible pride for my children as they grow into their own, but I now can see that I'm also going to feel incredible sadness, sadness that I ultimately will have to reconcile and get past no doubt, so that I can enjoy my golden years with my wife, the woman who I created these lives with and enjoy the lives my kids make for themselves as well.  However, I'm sure there will always be a small part of me that fondly remembers and secretly longs for the time when my little ones ran to me with unbridled exuberance and joy at seeing my face and hearing my voice.  It's something that even reading my blog now, if you don't have kids, you can maybe envision what it would be like, but I don't think you can truly comprehend it and feel it's gravitas.  Wow, that really hit me hard.  So let me end this post by saying, while we can't go back to the way it was when we were little, I can honestly appreciate it now. I love you mom and dad.  Thank you for everything you've ever done for me (and us, your five kids) 

  

*Kristina Alexanderson work can be found here

Santa thinks he's got a tight squeeze!

I am publishing this entry currently pressed against a wall with a sloped ceiling 12 inches from my face.  A girl who is about 1/10th my weight and a third my height has me in this ridiculous position as she sprawls out on my pillow  To her right is her brother, who is snuggled up against his mommy... my lovely wife.  We are squeezed into this shoe box of a double bed because our cherubs can't sleep.  It's Christmas Eve, I have a crick in my neck, a knot in my back and my foot keeps falling asleep... but laying next to my family, hearing their soft little breaths, I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. Looking over at the two of them illumined in the dim glow of the laptop light, I already got the two best presents a person could ask for.  Just don't tell Santa. ;)

On the bright side, the only way I could get closer to hearing the jolly man's landing is if Donner's hoof comes through the roof and crushes my face.  Even then, I don't think either of my kids would stir in the slightest.

So I sign off wishing a Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!  :)

ps.  Dear Santa, some advil in my stocking would go a long way.  Thanks pal!

First real steps!

So the other night my two little ones were playing with each other in their playpen.  After being content playing with each other for a while they both grew bored with play time and opted to call "ma ma ma ma!!"  So mommy, who's been swamped with work, decided to take a little break and go over to them to say hi and play with them for a while.  While she's talking to them, playing peek-a-boo, which they found absolutely hysterical and having them try to put their binky in her mouth, our son goes and takes 2 un-assisted steps across the play pen to get to his mommy.  "He just took two steps!" my wife exclaimed!  I was watching the Ranger game and doing some work myself on the couch, "Really?! Alright buddy!!" I replied excitedly.  My wife set him back up on the far side of the playpen and called for him to come to mommy.  Sure enough he did it again, two big well balanced steps!  "YAY!!" we cheered as he beamed with pride!  So we did it again and again, each time him taking two to three solid steps towards mommy.  Each time our cheers and clapping getting louder and more exuberant!  Meanwhile, our daughter was sitting in the opposite corner of the pack-in-play watching this all play out, for the most part just playing with her block.  Well, one time our little rambler stumbled over his sister's leg on his transreceptacal  journey so mommy skooted her leg over and told her "schooch over a little honey, so your brother doesn't trip".  Well that was the last straw apparently!  The next time he crossed and we cheered like he scored the game winning touchdown... she had had enough!  Red faced and pouty, she started to tantrum that she wasn't getting any attention and her brother was getting the spotlight!  It took us everything we had not to start laughing out loud at the scene.  Here's my boy walking on his own, so proud of his accomplishment and beaming at his parents, and there's his sister, who's got a bevy of accomplishments of her own that mommy and daddy have cheered just as loudly and proudly for, like the fact that she's already saying "good girl" (well, she still needs to get the articulation down, but it's clearly "good girl" and she says it with a smile like she knows, she's the "good girl") freaking out because she's not getting the attention that he's getting at that particular moment!  A portent of things to come no doubt.... God help us! :)


Oh and Day 1 of the Advent Calendar!! The official countdown has begun!

What is drain for two?

So what does "Drain for Two" mean?  Well, for that we have to first define it's origin.  The term comes from Star Wars: Customizable Card Game, a game I started playing back in high school.  SWCCG for short, is a strategy card game that uses the Star Wars license, which I am, in no small part, a fan of having grown up in the 80s.  The game requires forward thinking, strong decision making skills, resource management and the ability to adapt well to situations on the fly.  It also encourages counting cards, which proves to be an invaluable skill for the game and for your brain if you can get it down.  It's a really great game created during the 90's when games were increasingly complex and strategic before the 2000's hit and things swung the other way to the simplistic random chance games.   Anywho, when trying to come up with a name for the blog, I had just gotten back into playing the game with my friends so it was suddenly very relevant to me.  During the game, you use one of the game mechanics called force draining to deplete your opponent of his "force" and as with anything in this world that sees enough distribution and circulation, it develops it's own phrases, acronyms, caveats, etc.  This game was no different and "drain for two" was force draining for two force.  Simple.

I liked having this name for the blog because firstly, it tied me into something that has been a very important part of my life for the last 16 years. Not just because of the game itself, which is still incredibly fun and challenging and I'm really happy to be playing it again, but because that game introduced me to my best friend who has become like my 3rd brother, a friendship that has helped define me as a person.  It introduced me to my core group of closest friends, who I've shared almost as many laughs and memories with as I have with my family. It allowed us all to go on several amazing road trips across the country together.  It introduced me to an incredible group of people and places along the way and make for a plethora of fond and not so fond memories (a bowl of sugar in your hair at 3am while you're asleep on an Atlanta diner table not being one of them...).  It prompted me to learn about web development for this hobby which in turn helped me land my first real job.  It challenged me to be a better writer and sparked my love of graphic design.  It gateway'ed me into this wonderful hobby of gaming and helped expand my critical and creative thinking.  It connected me with one of the most influential things in my formative years besides my parents, siblings and God... Star Wars and allowed me to meet and chat with many of it's actors and actresses.  Most of which were extremely wonderful, down to earth people who you could just sit and chat with all day if allowed.  Especially Mr. Jeremy Bulloch, the man behind the mask of my favorite character growing up, Boba Fett... and boy is that is a story for another time!  Most importantly, it's how I met my lovely wife and mother of my children (which is a pretty good story in it's own right, but that's for another post...), which segues into the second reason I liked the name...  So this card game that I discovered in 1995 during an after school trip with some buddies down to the local comic book store, Jim Hanley's Universe on New Dorp Lane, pulling a Han Solo rare in my very first pack, was the catalyst for a seemingly endless list of life experiences and friendships that I wouldn't trade for the world.

The second reason I liked the name is because I am the proud father of the most amazing pair of twins this side of Mos Eisley. They are my little miracles and are my pride and joy.  They are draining and taxing and wear you down... especially when your night owl daughter never wants to go to sleep because she's too busy saying "HI!" and waving at you at 11:20pm and the only way to get her to go to sleep and stay asleep is to rock her and have her spread out on the bed pushing mommy and daddy to the edges... a habit, I really need to nip in the bud soon. Or your son who is finally sleeping hears you come home and is now transformed into a giggling bouncing bundle of sugar high that wants to throw his baseball to you and use you as his personal jungle gym. Yet, they have the uncanny ability to restore all that drained energy with a one excited look at seeing you walk through the front door, faces beaming with smiles and joy at seeing their daddy.  It's one of the absolute greatest emotional surges I've ever felt in my 33 years on this spinning rock, and it never grows old.  I've always wanted to be a dad since I was young, but nothing in the world prepares you, or shows you just how amazing (and tiring) the experience really is.  They are my little drain for two, but I wouldn't trade them for the world either!

So that's what a drain for two is, so until next time...  The force is with you. ;)

My SWCCG / Star Wars Autograph collection

1 year... wow

So the other day was my kids birthday.  1 year ago they came into this world, one crying and peeing on the doctor, the other one holding onto a rib for dear life because she didn't want to leave her little nook.  It's been such a long and bumpy road to the 365th day, but it's also been a magical and enlightening one!  To see these two little monkeys not only survive, but thrive after that harrowing first 2 months of IV's, incubators, UV lamps, feeding tubes, glycerin drops and apnea monitors.  Taking them home in the middle of a December winter that was one of the coldest I can recall when they only weighed 3+ lbs.  Having the heat go out in the apartment and trying to keep them warm, waking up for 3am feedings, apnea false alarms, and random crying fits.  Those nights seemed like they'd never end... but then, before you knew it, they were over and the these two were recognizing sounds and faces, crawling, clapping, getting favorite tv shows, picking out favorite toy and most of all... they recognized and loved their mommy and daddy!

We had some family over and had a quiet party to celebrate our little miracles.  They cherished every moment, enjoying spending time with everyone while getting passed around like hot potatoes.  When it came time for cake... they had set before them, two gigantic cupcakes, almost as big as they were!  She took to the icing almost immediately, swiping large fistfulls and devouring them.  He took one big handful, got it all over his face, then proceeded to lick the icing still on his face instead of going back for more.  Waste not, want not... good job buddy!  Of course, daddy felt the need to interject and pull off pieces of the actual cake for them to try.  My little girl gobbled it up with a smile.  My little guy on the other hand started choking and gagging on it... great, I'm going to choke my own son on his 1st birthday! He got it up tho and had a smile back on his face in no time. Thanks for being so forgiving buddy. :)  By the end of the cake eating extravaganza, he'd gotten blue frosting in his hair, all over his face, on his clothes, the floor, the highchair... it was a war zone!  She on the other hand, got most of it in her mouth, good job pumpkin!  Then it was off to the bath for a quick clean up and then presents time!  They always say that kids spend more time with the box than they do with the toy... I'm pretty sure that was the case with me growing up.  With my own kids tho, granted during the opening of the presents the paper was all they cared about... but once all the gifts were unwrapped and the paper was cleaned up... they dove head long into their new treasures with reckless abandon.  They loved their new play things, so much so that long after our family had gone and it was well past their bed time... they wanted to play with their new toys in lieu of going to bed... thank you all!

But when I see their beaming faces smiling up at their mommy and daddy with pure joy between playing with each other and their birthday gifts, how can I be mad?  They've gone through so much to get here and they've earned their birthday celebration!  So clap and dance and wiggle all you want guys, you've earned it and mommy and daddy love you so much!

Writers Block!

What to write about, what to write about... this blog thing can be frustrating!  Well, my little ones are going to be a year old in a few weeks!  The sheer magnitude of this milestone is overwhelming!  Considering that when they came into the world, they were 11 weeks early and only 2 lbs and change each.  Spending almost 2 months in the NICU unit under warming lights with feeding tubes, IV's and monitors hooked up to them. Now a year later, they're healthy, happy, thriving little monsters who fall asleep at 7:30pm, get brought up to bed by mommy, and then hear daddy come home and are suddenly filled with a rejuvenation tonic!  I slip into their room and looks who's wide awake, huge smiles on bright eyed faces, one bouncing on his bed while giggling, the other clapping gleefully while telling me all about her day.  It's one of the moments where you say "shhh, it's bed time" out loud, but inside you're thinking "yeah! daddy is the man! I love you guys too, let's play!"  After 15-20 minutes of sitting in their dimly lit room on the rocker quietly chatting with the two of them, we decided to give them a warm bottle to hopefully calm them down and get them nestled back to bed.  Yeah, that didn't work.  Daddy's home! Mommy's here! Let's go downstairs and play!  So instead of fighting with them, we brought them back downstairs and let them hang out for an hour.  Having no sports to watch and nothing dvr'ed worth sitting through, I decided to play some Mario Kart Wii online.  I always sit on the floor when the monkeys are up because I can act as a gate barring entry to the hallway, and to let them climb on me.  Well my boy wanted nothing more than my game controller, so I gave him one of the faux controller shells for the Wiimote.  Literally the second he got his hands on that, guess who wanted it?  They're not even a year old and if one has it, the other one wants it and will do whatever they can to steal it away!  The whole sharing thing is going to be a fun lesson to impart on them. :) 

In other news NYCC is this weekend, which I'm really looking forward to.  For the uninitiated, NYCC is the New York Comic Con, not quite as big as the media juggernaut that is the San Diego Comic Con, but still a strong up and comer over the last several years.  I'm going in my usual member of the press capacity as a photographer for a content relevant web-site so I should have plenty of photos and subjects to talk about over the next week or so.  Until then, Excelsior!

Strike Three...

And just like that, the New York Yankees season is over.  With a wimper.  It's weird though, I never got the vibe from this team that it was a championship caliber team.  Last night's loss, while disappointing, wasn't gut wrenching.  Maybe this means I'm focused on other priorities in life, maybe it means I just didn't have high expectations for the team.  Maybe it just means I can focus on Rangers hockey right from the get go!  Last season my 4 month old daughter would lock into hockey, she obviously had no idea what was going on, but when the game was on, her eyes were locked in.  Soon as there was a commercial break or intermission, she would look around, play with the dangling toys from her bouncer, maybe cry or fuss a little... but the second the ice was back, her head was glued to the television set!  It was hysterical to watch!  Now that she's going to be a year old, I'm curious to see how she reacts to the games again.  It's going to be so much fun taking my kids to Rangers games! Can't wait!  Now if only Staal would recover from the Crosbyitis and get back on the ice!

All we needed were some clowns and an elephant!

First, a little background.... Last night, after a very long day of traveling and excitement at my nephew's Christening, we arrived home.  Mom and dad exhausted, the two little monkeys quite rejuvenated after a hour long power nap in the car.  So after feeding the kids dinner, we let them sit in their highchairs for a bit to digest and play with their toys, while mom and dad did the modern day equivalent of reading the paper... we cracked open our laptops and surfed the web.  A nice quiet Sunday night, right?..... so far, but it got so much better!  After a while and some serious grunting, my nose detected that my girl needed her diaper changed.  Drawing the shortest straw, I took care of my fatherly duties and afterward sat on the living room floor with her watching the Yankee game and some football highlights.  15 minutes go by and I smell "that smell" again so I pick her up thinking she doubled down on me and gave her butt a whiff.... nope "It's not her" I say to my wife who's in the dinning room, "It's probably him" she says of our boy who's still in his highchair and had been doing some grunting of his own.  So I place my daughter into the playpen and take on fatherly duties part 2... these straws have got to be rigged!  After changing him, I played with him for a little bit and then put him in with his sister to play. 

Now commence the circus!!  Next thing we know our darling little dancer is bopping and clappin' which makes her brother start cracking up at her with this infectious giggle, we're talking hysterics here!  She loves making him laugh and he thinks when she does this it's the funniest thing ever so she keeps going which only makes him laugh harder.  We honestly thought at a couple points he was crying he was laughing so hard.  You know your priorities in life are totally readjusted when the Yankees - Red Sox game is tied 4 to 4, bottom of the ninth, 2 on, 2 out and the Yankees could win the game and I'm completely locked in... to the playpen and my kids antics!  At one point he got himself laughing so hard he hit a whole new level of breathless sidesplitting belly laughing.  After a solid hour of this little show, in which mommy and daddy desperately wanted our little ones to finally wind down since it was way past their bedtime, we couldn't help but laugh and just let them go.  Finally... after I got out the video camera, the little gunshy munchkins decided that NOW was the time to wind down, thanks guys!  She more so than him, as she laid down in the playpen trying to get herself comfy, while he was still running amok around her.  So I pick up my daughter to rock her to sleep and I smell "that smell" yet again!... "I think she went again" I say, so I once again, butt to nose, I inhale... nope, smells fresh as a daisy.  "What the heck, she's clean... honey, where is that smell..........." as she's cradled in my arms I look her over and there it is, a marble size poo ball stuck to the end of her hair wisps on the side of her head!  "I don't believe it! "She's got poop in her hair!"

"What?? no way!" my wife chuckles as she comes over to us thinking I'm pulling her leg, but there it was clear as day.  After a good 3 minutes of laughing hysterically while, and much to her credit, my daughter still trying to drift off in my arms. We started to work on removing her "accessory".  I voted to just cut the thing out like you would dried gum, but seeing as the poor girl doesn't have much hair to begin with, we slowly worked to soften it up and get it out.  Up we marched to the bathroom to wash the poor tired girl's head, our little guy happily playing with his blocks in the playpen.  As soon as the water came on, her eyes shot open as if to say, "water?! bath!? I'm in!!", But instead of getting ready for a bath, I held her suspended in the air looking up at me, my wife shampooing and scrubbing her little melon.  She had this look on her face of confusion as I held her that way as if to say "why am I like this?? this isn't how we do bath time!  don't drop me!" but then I plucked her binky from out of her mouth and that huge ham and cheese smile lit up her face!  That smile never gets old! 

Finally after two good shampooings, her head was free of "that smell" and she was back to dozing in my arms.  My wife and I still laughing.  It was one of those nights where I wish there was a reality show camera crew in our house, because I think we would have gone back and watched it 100 times that night!  Around 11pm, the twins finally nestled in their beds, us still occasionally laughing as we thought back to the sight of a poo nugget bobbing in her hair, I couldn't help but think how much they leave out of the books.  Welcome to parenthood indeed!  :)

The Ladies Man!

If Doc Brown could take me back 15 years and I could talk to my 18 year old self and tell him "George, in 15 years on a quiet Wednesday night, at around 8:30 at night, you're going to be holding a beautiful girl in your arms and telling her "that's it honey, just a little more", my 18 year old self would be quite pleased with his future prospects!  Fast forward 15 years and sure enough, I'm sitting here around 8:30 at night holding a beautiful girl in my arms and telling her "that's it honey, just a little more....  I know you can get this last one out" as I pat and rub her back and she cries and pushes and then it happens.  Out comes a fart so "perfect" a 12 year old boy would brag about it to his friends for weeks!  That sucker was so strong, I felt relieved!  With that all the crying and fussing was over and she was a contented and fast asleep!  Of course then my wife and I started laughing in the dark to the point where I had to bite my lip to stop from making too much noise while my eyes welled up with tears from laughing so hard.  "18 year old George, trust me pal, this is so much better than whatever prospects you think 15 years is going to bring!"

Fairwell summer, I hardly knew thee

Well, summer is officially over.  I'm pretty sad to see it go this year, not because I feel like I missed out on bbqs or pool parties but because I feel like my kids shot up like little bean sprouts in the blink of an eye.  When we entered summer, they were still just laying on their backs with maybe a roll over here or there.  Now my little guy is standing on his own and is looking for any and all reasons to test the limits of how far he is allowed to go.  My little girl is sitting up, standing when you hold her and expressing the widest range of emotions and expressions the human soul is permitted to exude. They've both already logged earthquake and hurricane time before they even hit their one year milestone!  It's an amazing time right now as they learn and explore this new crazy world around them but it's going by like brush fire on the Serengeti.  Which I am here lamenting because with the fall/winter schedule, I get relegated to a sort of "visitation rights on the weekends" dad.  They're in bed before I get home and asleep or groggy when we drop them off at the sitter in the morning.... I miss them already.